I wonder how many of us struggle to think, feel and behave according to expected or perceived versions of self. If we were lucky, we would be given  acceptable or attractive labels or versions by parents, society, peers and people who mattered. If not so fortunate, we may end up with beliefs, expectations and narratives about ourselves which are defeating, unpleasant and maybe hurtful. Imagine trying to tell someone whogrew up believing that they were worthless, how important they are! Labels can be harsh. It’s important what age the label was given and by whom. I see  people carrying labels of shame and guilt throughout their lives without any real evidence of how they deserved them. Some labels could be gender based. Men are
workaholics, women are nurturing, men are aggressive and women are less smart with money, for example. Would it not be amazing if we understood ourselves in the truest form? Go one step forward and imagine accepting ourselves. Then go one step further and think how empowering it would be if we could love ourselves! Self compassion is the key to self acceptance and growth. Most people can change once they understand or accept something. A lot of restlessness and unhappiness around the issue certainly settles. Lets take the example of being a workaholic. Once a
person understands what drives him, what his needs are which are being met or replaced, what he values in self and his world, how he determines his self worth and what happiness and success mean to him, it would be easy to understand certain behaviour. Isn’t that the purpose of most loathing in this world- why oh why do(es) I/they/ she/ he behave a certain way or not do certain things? The next step could be a motive to change or a plan to change.
Understanding self is also understanding what one’s ‘best self’ is. Psychotherapists believe that one strives to achieve that best version of self constantly. Finding self could be a journey of reflection, introspection, observation, experience and willingness to
embrace change.